身為父母的都想孩子開心、成功。但心想未必事成。所有做父母的都知道，真正的難處是如何達到這些目標。
放任孩子很容易，想玩就讓他們玩，不做功課就由他們，孩子必然不會有怨言，但這當然行不通。要令他們學業成功，考進名校、再讀著名大學，孩子便要努力，這很多時都要靠父母逼迫他們。
      在放任和嚴厲之間如何取得適當平衡，就是最頭痛的問題。就算家長的出發點有多良好，教導孩子的方法都可以出錯。美國心理醫生Madeline Levine認為今天的孩子出現種種問題，就是家長的觀念和教育制度走錯方向所致。
      自怨自艾走鋼
      那這一代的孩子有什麼問題呢？在Madeline Levine的著作Teach Your Children Well: Parenting for Authentic Success中這麼說：
      One academically talented girl in Levine's care is knocked off her feet by self-loathing and grief after she's rejected from a particularly desirable college. 
      Other kids cheat, take drugs, drink, shut down or, worse still, keep up their tightrope act of parent-pleasing, Ivy-aiming high achievement while quietly, invisibly dying inside. 
      Loath是不喜歡的、不願意的，例如︰He is loath to leave the house when it is cold outside.(天氣冷他就不喜歡出外。)Self-loathing則解自我憎恨。一位學能高的女孩子因為考不進心儀大學就像被打垮一樣，終日自怨自艾、傷心不已。
也有些孩子做騙人的事、濫藥、喝酒、放棄自己。更慘是那些繼續過走鋼般的生活，為了迎合父母要他們考進名牌大學的目標，內心默默的枯萎。

      錯觀念引入死胡同
      Madeline Levine認為其中一個問題是我們對“成功”下了錯誤定義。而家長有意或無意地引導孩子追求家長心目中的“成功”，令他們走進死胡同：
      "The cost of this relentless(無休止的) drive to perform at unrealistically(不切實際地) high levels is a generation of kids who resemble nothing so much as trauma victims(創傷的受害者).
      They become preoccupied(過分專注) with events that have passed - obsessing endlessly on a possible wrong answer or a missed opportunity. They are anxious and depressed and often self-medicate with drugs or alcohol.
      Sleep is difficult and they walk around in a fog of exhaustion. Other kids simply fold their cards(放棄) and refuse to play." 
      書中談的不是"tiger moms versus coddling moms"(“虎媽對嬌養媽”)教孩子方式的辯論，而是從根本去看應該給孩子的是什麼。