Revenge是報復、報仇。有些人比較大量,有些人卻事事記在心上,無論如何,revenge的心態人人都有。
當有人做了對不起我們的事,又或傷害了我們,或多或少,大家都想報復。對某人做出報復的行為是take revenge on someone,例如︰Residents in the building took revenge on the burglar by beating him up.(大廈居民毆打竊匪報復。) He wanted revenge for getting fired from his job.(他丟掉職位要找人報復。)
Vengeance也解報仇,是名詞︰The villagers swore vengeance on the thieves who burned down their houses.(村民發誓要向燒毀他們房子的盜賊報仇。)
不論revenge或vengeance,報仇總是大快人心的事。因為大家愛看復仇的故事,很多文學作品、通俗小說、戲劇、電影或電視劇都是以“報復”作為橋段,相信大家亦看過不少。莎士比亞的Hamlet(《王子復仇記》),正是一個revenge的悲劇。
但看電視電影是一回事,現實世界中,報仇卻不一定是件快事。首先,不論我們發白日夢想像用哪種毒辣的手段對付仇人,都不會傻得真的去實行。粵語片中的正義主角也常語重心長地勸喻誓要報父仇的小伙子:“冤冤相報何時了呢?”
Letting go更划算
復仇與否,憤憤不平的心情很多時都會徘徊不去。心理治療師Laura Schlessinger在Surviving a Shark Attack (On Land)中便自認是個報復心很強的人。儘管如此,她也勸喻大家別老想向傷害你的人報復,又或懷仇恨的心,分分秒秒想看到仇人得到報應(comeuppance),因為這實在很不划算。
划算的是letting go(放手)。是否寬恕是另一個問題,但不放手只會讓不開心的經歷繼續傷害自己。
Call that forgiveness, if you will ... I just call it letting go of one end of the cesspool(污水坑) to swim over to the other side and get into a wonderful swimming pool.
不幸掉進了一潭污水,最佳做法自然是盡快離開。道理很簡單,但我們往往就是沒法放手。為什麼會這樣呢?
Unfortunately, some people get stuck in not wanting to let go of the dream of devastating their betrayer. It becomes an obsession. Why? Because it is easier to hate than move on - simple as that. Hate requires nothing but rehashing(重講) the story and stoking(潑火) the fire to keep the flame of rage alive. It is hating instead of living.
有些人被想像復仇的心困。報仇就成為了一種obsession(頑念)。
記仇只是背叛自己
時刻想著仇恨,就會忘記好好為自己的生命而活。Laura Schlessinger形容這是對自己的背叛:"that is tantamount to becoming your own betrayer"。
Laura Schlessinger也曾有被最信任的人背叛、傷害的經驗。但當傷害她的人遇上噩運,她卻發覺自己並不覺得“心涼”,因為她已經不再意,正專心過自己的美好生活。
As time passed, my anger and hurt subsided(下降) as I became more invested in the changed elements of my life and expanded my activities. I filled the time with things other than thoughts of payback(報復), things other than hopes of karma (因果報應), things other than hopes of great comeuppance(報應).