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培養clicking的能力
( 2012-03-02 )



      想人見人愛,朋友滿天下,有什麼辦法?
      受歡迎是popular。一個受歡迎的人就是a popular person。有人或會說,這對我根本不重要,我做我認為對的事,別人怎看我從來都不要緊。
      但就算你我行我素、獨來獨往,除非你生活在深山,始終都要與人交往。不需朋友一大堆,但起碼不想天天跟人衝突。處理人際關係的技巧,始終是有需要的。


      Build rapport
      在How to Click with Everyone Every Time 中,作者David Rich說,受歡迎的人有一種能力,就是"the ability to 'click' with others instantly"。
      Click用作名詞,解卡嗒聲、喀嚓聲,例如︰You should hear a click when you press the shutter on the camera.(按相機快門你會聽到喀嚓聲。)Click用作動詞,解一見如故、一拍即合。Click也解進行順利、成功、受觀眾歡迎,例如︰The film clicked.(這部電影得到觀眾受落。)
      我們知道能掌握clicking的好處,但它包含的特質卻很難定義︰
      It is extremely hard to definitively(確定地) pin down what makes someone click because it is not always logical. Sometimes it's obvious, other times it's not. There are no formulas or flow charts(流程表).
      Clicking is highly emotional(與情緒有關的) and is the sum of many factors at play in any given situation.... People have tried to master one element of clicking, or even several, but in the absence of all the parts, it falls short. It comes across insincere(缺乏誠意) and manipulative(善於擺布別人). 
      We've all encountered people who are trying their best to build rapport, but the more they try, the more they fail. Clicking must be natural or it isn't clicking at all.
      Rapport是和諧,或默契。Build rapport是建立良好和諧的關係,例如︰We should try to build rapport with our co-workers.(我們應該嘗試與同事建立和諧的關係。)


      “11C”提升人氣
      David Rich認為clicking的能力包括十一大要素:confidence(自信);curiosity(好奇心);connectedness(聯繫力);commitment(承擔);conviction(有信念);cheerfulness(愉快爽朗);courage(勇氣);competency(能力);compassion(同情心);contentment(滿足)和congruency(一致性)。
      明顯地,能做到人人喜愛歡迎,不是學一些招式或技巧就夠,而是關乎整個人的內涵、性格和特質。不是一朝一夕可以做得到,但又非遙不可及的目標。因為若將這些要素逐一拆解分析,其實都是一些你我用心就做得到的事。
      例如cheerfulness。這很易理解,終日愁眉不展,或脾氣暴躁,大家走避都來不及,人又怎會受歡迎?Cheerfulness是整體的感覺,但也有幾個元素可參考。
      首先是smile(微笑)。"A smile just might be the most important nonverbal(非言語的) gesture."最好的是任何人也懂得。其次是encouragement(鼓勵)。要對別人說一些鼓勵性的,而非“潑冷水”的話。真心的讚美(sincere compliments)是百試百靈的鼓勵話。Humility(謙虛)的話也是。
      文﹕子慧