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你的teenage孩子變成了blob嗎?
( 2011-07-22 )





      "David, would you please take your dirty dishes out of the TV room and into the kitchen?"(‘大偉,你可以把電視房中的骯髒碟子收拾到廚房嗎?’)
      "Can't I sit for just one minute without you bugging(煩擾) me about something?"(‘你讓我靜靜坐一分鐘不來這樣那樣的煩我可以嗎?’)
      "I've been asking you for two days. I need you to do it."(‘我兩天以來一直在叫你,我要你現在就收拾。’)
      "I will. Okay?"(‘就來了。這可以了嗎?’)
      "When?"(‘什麼時候?’)
      "I'm not going to do it this exact second. I said I would do it. I'm going to do it."(‘不是這一秒鐘,我說過會做就是會做。’)
      若你家中有位teenager,以上的對白大概似曾相識。只要換上孩子的名字,填進你想他做的事,這樣的親子對答可能天天在你家中重複。簡單說:If you have a teenager, there is no greater daily frustration than trying to get them to do anything.(若你有個十多歲的孩子,叫他做點事是你每天最大的挫折。)


      習以為常
      你的孩子在學校中很可能表現勤奮出色,但一回到家,卻什麼家務也不幫忙,洗衣、掃地、煮飯、洗碗全不會,就連自己的衣服鞋襪也不放好,一副大少爺或大小姐的模樣。
      有家長嘆道:"Look at him. If he's not playing his video games, he just lies there. I guess he's watching TV. I can't tell. His eyes are open. He seems to be breathing. I've created a blob."
      Blob解a small lump, drop, splotch, or daub,一點、一滴、一團,例如︰A blob of paint marred the table top.(一滴漆油弄污了檯面。)用來形容人,a blob是a dull, slow-witted, and uninteresting person,一個又悶、又蠢、又沒趣的人。孩子在家中像一堆泥,難怪父母擔心,懷疑自己教導孩子的方法出問題,把孩子變成了a blob。
      Parents fret(苦惱、擔憂、煩躁) about how to motivate them to pitch in(幫忙) around the house. But even more worrisome(令人憂慮的) is the bigger question: Have I created a child and soon-to-be adult who seems unwilling and unable to move?
      孩子不動手幫忙,在這一代的香港中產家庭尤為普遍。自小家中有家傭照顧,小時候為了安全不准他進廚房,要他遠離火或熱水,沙士期間為了生這樣那樣不准他觸摸,他習慣所有事都由家傭代勞,習慣就成了自然。


      即叫即做
      Clinical psychologist(臨床心理學家) Anthony Wolf認為,積習難改,應對的方法不是去改變孩子的心態,而是改變他們的行為。若家中的少年人叫不動,不要責罵,也不要長篇大論的教訓(lecture)他,而應“企硬”,不要讓孩子拖延,講出要求後,就要他做到後你才走開。孩子會不高興,也可能會說些晦氣話,但他們最討厭父母站在身旁,與其你繼續煩他,不如做了算數。
      父母與teenage子女的相處,是另一門學問,孩子小時候抱他錫他陪他便足夠,到了teenager的階段的要求就不同。要沉得住氣,也要明白他們的心理。The Secret of Parenting: How to Be in Charge of Today's Kids - from Toddlers to Preteens - Without Threats or Punishment是Anthony Wolf的其中一本作品。