做錯了，say sorry，講句“對不起”，簡單不過？但原來say sorry一點也不簡單，有很多學問，涉及的問題也很多。
      不是嗎？細心想想，是否每次有人做了令你不快的事，他們都會說對不起？當然不是。大家都一定試過因對方不說或不肯說對不起而令你耿耿於懷。但再想想，原來自己很多時也不肯說對不起。如果say sorry或apologize是那麼簡單，為什麼有這麼多問題呢？
      我們不時都會看到法庭新聞說，被定罪的被告因為"shows no remorse"，對自己的所作所為毫無悔意，而被法官判更重的刑罰。"Shows no remorse"，就是不肯say sorry。相反地，若被告懺悔，講句sorry，刑罰就可減輕。可以少坐兩年牢也不肯道歉，又是為什麼？

      男女大不同
       Sorry這事情原來真的很複雜，所以很多學者都不斷研究這課題。特別是sorry對人際關係的影響，例如：
       A study from the University of Waterloo in Ontario says men apologize far less often than women, and provides some empirical evidence to support this long-held stereotype.
       Stereotype是典型。這個典型就是男性比女性say sorry的次數少得多。原因為何？
       But it's not because men are reluctant(不情願的) to do so, nor - despite the beliefs of dumbfounded(驚愕的) husbands and boyfriends the world over - that their significant others(伴侶) are wrong significantly more often. 
      但男性卻與女性同樣願意為過錯而道歉，矛盾的關鍵是︰"men are as likely to apologize as women, so long as they think they've done something for which to atone."要他們道歉，先要他們覺得有需要道歉，"done something for which to atone"。男性少道歉，是因為他們很多時根本不覺得需要道歉。歸根究柢，也是男女思維有別。
      另一個原因是︰"women are more concerned with 'relationship-promoting behaviours,' such as apologies, than men"，女性較重“促進關係”的行為，而apology就是其中一種。
      男性少道歉或道歉意識遲緩，確會影響關係︰
      If women feel that they've been harmed by a man and the man is not apologizing because he doesn't think he's done something wrong, women might assume the man doesn't care about their well-being(良好感受), or is too stubborn(頑固的) to apologize.

      害怕被拒絕
      但其實不論是男是女，人普遍抗拒say sorry。心理治療師Robi Ludwig解釋其中一些原因：
      Sometimes it's the fear of rejection(被拒絕) that makes an apology so hard to say. The prospect(可能性) of getting a cold shoulder(冷待), not being forgiven or losing a friend can understandably be unsettling, especially when it comes from someone you still love, care about and want to maintain a relationship with. Sometimes people feel that initiating(主動提出) an apology is a sign of weakness.
      而sorry說得太多也會失去效力，被人覺得缺乏誠意。看看大機構、政府部門近年頻頻道歉，就被人揶揄“意見接受、做法照舊”。儘管如此，say sorry總比不say sorry好。道歉，可能就像Lauren Bloom的The Art of the Apology一書所說，是一門藝術。